It’s an idea I first came across years ago, that instead of planning our lives around what we want to achieve or how we think they should look, we should consider how we want to feel.
Rather than measuring success by the car you drive or your job title, or how much money you have in the bank, you should think about whether you’re happy or fulfilled, excited or inspired.
This idea first captured my interest on Danielle La Porte’s blog and I’ve since seen a lot of bloggers and life coaches discussing it as a useful way of thinking about your life.
It feels particularly relevant to me at the moment.
Outwardly, my life is pretty good. I was made redundant recently, but I’ve managed to secure some interesting freelance work, I’ve just finished the first draft of my next book and I’m comfortable. I have a nice house; I’m married with a cute dog and I have my health. I can work from home and stay safe during the pandemic. These things are all wonderful and I’m grateful for them.
But deep down I feel that things aren’t as I would wish them to be.
Of course, life won’t always be perfect and sometimes it’s worth pushing through discomfort because you know it will be temporary and something special waits on the other side. But that doesn’t mean you should always ignore negative emotions.
We’re trained to put up with a certain amount of stress and unhappiness around our work, because it’s the price we pay for success. It’s important to pay your dues. But there’s a fine line between being uncomfortable in a job or relationship that will help you to grow and being uncomfortable in one that will suck the life from you. Sometimes you need to take a step back and consider why you’re uncomfortable and whether it will be worth it. If the answer is no, it might be time to reconsider your situation.
I intend to embrace the idea of building a life that feels good. Not necessarily in a superficial, endorphin rush kind of way, but on a deeper level. I’d like to feel inspired and energised and creative; happy, content and relaxed; connected to the world around me and other people’s lives. I want to have the freedom to structure my day in a way that gives me space to focus deeply on ideas and projects, working at my own pace. I want to find meaning in each day. There will be difficult moments and hard work, but I can be proud of myself and feel that I’m good at what I do.
It isn’t easy to build your ideal life, but it helps to understand the things that don’t work or that make you unhappy. They might be things that look good to other people, but don’t feel right to you. They might be things you aspired to, because they represented success, but once you have them, you realise there’s a price you aren’t willing to pay. Sometimes you have to tune out other people’s opinions or society’s expectations to get to the heart of things. We often internalise the things we’re told to want, not realising they aren’t actually our dreams.
Take the time to reflect on your life, your emotions and what inspires them. You might discover the key to changing your life for the better.